The Self-Aware Leader: Discovering Your Blind Spots to Reach Your Ministry Potential by Terry Linhart

Author:Terry Linhart
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780830881062
Publisher: InterVarsity Press
Published: 2017-01-17T21:48:30+00:00

How to Grow in Emotional Maturity

Maturity doesn’t happen suddenly. It grows. Fields can grow crops without attention, but they will also grow weeds. They will be full of rocks that stunt growth and will lack the nutrients that foster growth. Farmers are intentional about enhancing the growth process. I’ve noticed seven ways that we can intentionally help ourselves and others grow toward emotional maturity. If we ignore our emotions and responses, seeing them as irrelevant, we will miss the chance to grow in maturity and Christlikeness. Consider these steps to help nurture the right kind of emotional crop.

1. Assign a sentry at the door. You may know the proverb “Above all else, guard your heart, / for everything you do flows from it” (Prov 4:23). The Hebrew word for “guard” (mishmar) means to keep watch, to be diligent, and to protect. It may be best translated “keep watch.” When a sentry was assigned to the door of city, he was to not only keep the enemy away but to allow in those who had rights to passage. To grow emotionally, we need to be open to what God wants to do in our life and cautious about other sources for how to feel and what to value.

2. Label what you feel. Mark was a successful associate pastor at a small church, and he possessed an unusual knack for being well organized. He led denominational camps and regional conferences with ease and seemed to possess an endless capacity for getting things done and done right. He was intensely driven to be successful, yet he acted in inappropriate ways within the confines of the local church. Though outwardly he appeared well-adjusted, there was a private emotional struggle churning, a wrestling match that exacerbated other suppressed problems.

On most days Mark was engaged and productive, his gifts being used to their fullest in the ministry. He felt alive. He was soaring. Then someone would say something to him or give an opportunity to another person, and Mark would be crushed. On those days he would post on social media that he wanted to quit, his default response to things when his emotional circuits would overload. Mark’s emotional roller coaster went on for two years. The first part of the counselor’s work with Mark was to help him recognize and label his emotions so he could take healthy steps toward healing. It’s difficult to rid yourself of anger (through the work of Christ) if you don’t recognize you’re angry. No one had ever helped Mark see when he was angry, sad, or hurt. He didn’t want to admit any of it, and no one had ever taught him that, with God’s forgiveness and restoration, he could have control of those responses.

3. Be aware of others’ emotions. Though an enormously gifted leader, Monica wasn’t aware of others’ emotions, and people were often frustrated by her. She gave off an unintended vibe of superiority and entitlement. Mix in her strong task orientation, and Monica had little problem

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